It’s been a while…

Hey everyone… I know it’s been a while since I have last written… That could be a few different things as to why. Life has been you know.. kind of crap with the pandemic over here in England…

Even though every day not much seems to change… things tend to change… slowly… slow enough until you don’t see the change happen.. and then one day you just realize there has been change.

I know I started this year off ill… from the things that happened with my chronic illness last year. I tried my best to get better and get healthy. I tried my best to be all that I could for you.

I tried to be your friend. I tried to give you a safe place to hang out and relax and to escape from the rest of the world. I let this place be where you could just be free and be yourself. Where you didn’t have to worry about how bad everyone was treating you out there. I just wanted to know that you all matter so much to me.

You all mean the world to me for showing up and being so positive and supportive. I know most people met me while I played CODM which was a huge part of my life last year. It brought so many wonderful people to my life and so many people got to meet others who shared the love for the same game.

I remember my Saturday mornings I would go to the gym and then play CODM in the morning until Panda woke up. And then I had a weird idea and thought I wonder if I can actually stream a mobile game.. I had streamed xbox, switch and pc games up until that point. So I did some research to find ways to stream the mobile games. And it was one of the best decisions that I had probably for the entire of last year….

I know when I got sick last year and I left my job that I had a lot of people who said they would be there for me disappeared. This was really hard on me emotionally. I know I don’t really talk about it much to anyone, I just try to get on with things. I had become close to quiet a few people and then all of the sudden they vanished.. It was like I was going through a lot… I needed a break to clear my head.. and poof.. they were out of my life, my community’s life… and it was like are time together didn’t matter and almost like it was a dream.

Streaming is very split with if it can be easy or it can be hard. It depends what streamers are looking to get out of it. Are they looking to meet new people, are they looking to have fun, do they just want to play games with people who enjoy them that they don’t know anyone who else likes those games… Are they just doing it to try to make a quick buck, are they genuine, open and honest with their communities, or are they toxic and mean and think that it is cool to be a toxic person. Where does the value lie / lye on where and how you put yourself out to the world to show who you are and what levels you want to connect on with them.

Streaming can also be very tricky because there are a lot of bad people out there. There are people that try to use you to get hype for themselves. They don’t actually care for you but are only there when you are doing well and can associate with you. Some act like your friend and say they want to help then try to charge you for them trying to help. Some will be nice to you in your streams then message people badly in whispers about yourself…

People will cast a lot of judgement on you.. and a lot of these people aren’t the ones that are putting themselves out there. They are usually a viewer and not someone who streams. Which leads me back to the bit before about how streaming can be easy or it can be hard.

There are some streamers that just stream and don’t really care too much emotionally and then there are the opposites. There are ones that just play a game and don’t care about anything else. The person isn’t too bothered. And then there are some people who like to have a lot of fun and do so many different things for their communities..

There are people who stream who are always trying to bring a better experience to their communities. Change their streaming set ups to bring the best quality visuals and sound. Come up with different layouts that can be more appealing to look at and not too confusing on the eyes. Update their emojis so they are more about how the community has grown. Just a bunch of little things that make something even more wonderful.

I think something many don’t know about streaming is how taxing it can be on your body. Yes, it is playing games, but to keep up with your chat all the time while playing a game can take a lot of effort. It can also be hard to plan events with other streamers. Schedules can be very tricky and sometimes people can’t always be dependable as well. Then you have people that ask you to play a game all the time and when you decide to play that game then they don’t show. It can be a bit frustrating as you try to rotate things in but in the end you can’t please everyone. You can only be yourself. And when you feeling like you are giving so much of yourself away all the time sometimes you just feel like curling up into a little ball to recharge! ^_^

When I started streaming, I didn’t know anything about it. It was people watching people play video games. But then you get to know the people who come to watch you play and sometimes they join in. And you get to learn so many wonderful things about those people and things about life and other things. Sometimes I am surprised about some of the conversations I’ve had with my community on and off stream. There are so many topics of interest and it is nice to see how open-minded people are. Especially when I didn’t grow up around too many open-minded people. So that has really inspired me to learn more.

I’ve taken streaming on as a journey to see where it would lead me. I feel like I am better because I have done it. It wasn’t something that up until a few years ago I didn’t know it existed. And I tried it and I tried it… and I tried it again.. lol and… again! hahahahahahaha Don’t worry, I wasn’t delusional and thinking oh I am a female streamer I will make millions and get loads of sponsors. I know that stuff is hard work and those people have a lot of connections. But to be able to be myself and have fun with cool people… I think that has been everything.

My twitch life has literally been my family. Especially over this last year. They have been there in support of me for my streams, emotionally, sometimes financially, and can I just say THANK YOU! Thanks for showing up, thanks for having patience with me. Thanks for sharing your stories with me. Thanks for talking about things in life, life school and hospital appointments, and broken bones, lockdown, travel, food, etc!!! It’s been nice to know that no matter what the topic is there is always someone out there with an understanding.

It has been very hard for me to be in England during this pandemic. I haven’t seen my family in 2 years. And I know a lot of people had a hard time to not see their family here for a few weeks or months and were breaking lockdown and meeting up. And for me I just felt like suck it up like the rest of the foreigners here.

Maybe I should just take a break on this… I couldn’t sleep. And I wanted to write about how my health has been going with streaming. So i figure it would be a bit fun… or who knows what to just express myself on what has been going on. And how I thought life and streaming was going.

Then this post got shut down.

Anyways I know I enjoy playing games. It can be a nice escape from everything going on in the world right now. And having someone to play a game you enjoy with is always a blessing.

#twitchishard You give up your free time to play games and meet new people. Streamers have different goals from each other. Some want to have x amount of viewers and deals from sponsors. And others just want to have fun and play games. It’s a fun journey learning how to put everything together to do a stream. It’s always interesting to see how things break and go wrong on stream and how to cope with it. Sometimes you end the stream and come back another day, sometimes you end and get back on in 10min and other times you just ignore whatever is broken and just keep going. It can be confusing because if everything worked the day before then the next day something isn’t working it is a bit confusing because nothing has changed so why has something decided not to work.

#twitshishard also because you come into contact with some many different people form all over the world. People with different backgrounds and upbringings. People that are perfectly happy in their lives and people that are going through a lot of complicated things. You never know what someone will say to you when you are gaming. People will literally say anything. It could be that you are bad at the game, it could be racist comments, it could be rage or it could be something kind like nice try or GGs.

Sometimes it’s hard to know what you are signing up for when you decide to become a streamer. You think you are just going to play games with cool people. But it isn’t always like that. There are a lot of people who will do everything to test you and break you down. People all have different agendas and you don’t always know why someone is coming to your stream. And people can be super challenging as well. We don’t have the training to go into how to deal with all of this. It’s just stuff we have to learn as we go. But when we start to see patterns of behavior coming into streams it starts to get better with knowing this person is going to need to time out or get a ban. It can also be really annoying and inconsiderate when chat tells streamers what to do. Like dude, just stream yourself if you want to be telling someone how to run their stream. Go do it for yourself. Respect how the streamer runs their stream.

There are people out there that try to scam streamers. There are people who beg for money or battle passes, etc. A lot of people only show up to see what they can get from a streamer. When it isn’t about what you can get from them like money, or in game loot. It’s about enjoying and loving the same game. And teaching each other about the game and finding new ways to enjoy it.

Also, you shouldn’t beg streamers to be mods. This is not cool and makes you look bad. Some streamers don’t even want mods and you are putting extra pressure on them. Also, bragging about being a mod for a streamer isn’t cool as well. It makes people lose respect for you because you are just trying to get yourself hype. Streamers have to learn to choose their mods. Some mods get mad at you if you make someone VIP. Some mods message people not to donate to your stream. You never know who has your best interest at mind. You give a lot of yourself to be a streamer and some people become mods to abuse that power.

Me personally I usually look for people who are very involved in my community to be a mod. They are a regular on the stream, they are positive towards the stream and to other viewers. I did once make someone a mod so that they would stop asking. About less than a week later I believe I took it away from them. Maybe I should of never made the person a mod but I learned my lesson the hard way. I was asked by others to make my mod standards harder. Which I did for a while. If you have two viewers, once that comes every once in a while over a month and someone else that comes in and is active for every single stream and is positive. I would choose the positive person over the person that hardly comes. And for that person to be upset about not being a mod when they never even voices about wanting to be a mod as well. I mean there are some things for twitch chat and there are some things for whispers. Having a fight in twitch chat about not being a mod isn’t helping your case to become a mod for a streamer as well. And just because you are mod it does not mean it is permanent. If you start abusing your power and being disruptive and disrespectful then you will be cut loose.

There’s a lot of drama that goes on in streaming to. Streamers just want to have fun and play games. And a lot of times the community likes to take it amongst themselves to stir up some drama amongst communities and streamers. Why do people do this type of thing? I don’t know! Maybe the person is bored or lonely or maybe they just have it in their heart to be a jerk because that’s how miserable that person feels and wants others to feel that way too.

Over the past 2 years of streaming I have had good things and bad things happen. I am thankful for both because they have both taught me to be a better person. One of the problems with being nice is that people are constantly testing your boundaries to see what they can get away with. This can get really frustrating and tiring to deal with on a regular basis. Which is why at any indications of certain behaviors people just start getting banned from going into those streamers chats. Streaming can be very emotional. There are a lot of ups and downs that happen so fast with not only the game you are playing, but also with what is going on in your chat. You might be happy that you just won a game but before you get to celebrate something happens in your chat that completely ruins it and kills the mood. Do you really want to be that person that ruins it for everyone? Nobody wants to be around that or associate with it!

At the end of the day please remember that streamers are people to. Everyone is going through stuff in their lives outside of the stream as well. Sometimes streamers have bad days and decide to stream because it make it better but sometimes it backfires and makes everything worse. Sometimes any comment in the chat can just trigger the streamer because they just want to be able to relax and enjoy themselves with friends but constantly criticizing them can be annoying and overstepping at times. If the streamer you are watching is in a good mood I’m sure they will let more things fly than when they are having a bad day and just trying to keep it together.

I think sometimes people forget that it can be extremely hard for a streamer to get on sometimes and go live. There have been plenty of times where I got my stream ready and just stared at it and cried and just exited out of it. Sometimes I have every intention of going live and having the best stream ever and then sometimes things happen in chat they make me think why do I even bother. You don’t always know what to expect and if to go live and just get bullied the whole time is depressing and a put off. Sometimes it’s nice if people can just chill and enjoy watching the game without having to throw their 2 cents in all the time. Especially for female streamers, we have a lot more judgement that happens then males. Everyone wants to know where our cameras are, and they only want to see us looking our best with full on makeup and a nice outfit. If someone doesn’t want to use their camera a few times that normally uses it you don’t need to make a comment about it. You don’t have to ask if it broke etc. Just accept that this is the best that they can do that day to be there with their community.

I love streaming and I know I have made myself more available more than many other streamers. I know a lot of people only have certain social medias and not all of them. The more places I can be the more people that have access if they need me for something. I’ve had subs to bigger streamers and in their discords people ask them stuff all the time and they ignore everything. They don’t bother engaging with their communities at all. I have met streamers who have a sibling edit all their content and do their social medias for them. And there are no engagements in the comment sections. Which I have always frowned upon this. I know there have been quite a few of you that I have talked to in the DMs and whispers about very serious situations. I’ve tried to be there for you and offer my advice and support and care and let you know you aren’t a lone through it. But I believe there is only so much of myself that I can give. And I feel like I have given a lot more of myself than other people out there. And I think when I am so accessible that people aren’t always respectful of my time that I create to put aside for them. It’s best to give people a heads up and not cancel last moment and be flakey. If you want to do something else it’s fine but to wait until the last moment and then say you got something better to do is a bit rude and selfish. Just try to communicate better about things. It helps you to have more respect for yourself in the long run.

It’s a bit weird taking a break from streaming. I love streaming and playing games with you! I love the fun times and the jokes and the memories. I love working as a team to become better and seeing that me or you improve. That is all wonderful stuff. But I feel I have given so much of myself that I just need to see where I stand and what I expect. I know I need to not take it so personally anymore. I guess sometimes you can be too passionate about things and it hurts you in the end. So I will work on being less passionate. I will still care but I will try to care a little less. I will distance myself more so I don’t work myself up about being disappointed. I have enough crap on my own without taking in all the crap of the rest of the world. Which is probably what’s been weighing me down and making me more sad and upset. So it’s only fair that for my own health and safety I try to limit it. I want to remain the funny happy fuzzy that you all met and I don’t want to be this miserable person anymore. But it starts with me.

Covid 19 Vaccine

I will be documenting my Covid 19 Vaccine symptoms….

20min after just a tiny amount of pain.

12 hours later, arm is soar at injection site, pain is felt when lifting my arm above shoulder level, slight fever.

Fever, chills and pain in arm for 2 days after.

Then a headache that lasted 1 week.

TellMeMoreTV

Tonight TellMeMoreTV on twitch did their first show wtih Mr9lives who I love and adore very much! I love DaddioTV and LinePieceLex who are the hosts too who I know from my t99 community. On the 21st of January 9pm CST time I will be a guest on their show and after seeing how the show went tonight I can’t wait even more for that night to tell my story! ❤

New update! My date has been brought forward to January 14th! I can’t wait to share my experience with you and this is our new official flyer for our upcoming show!

Updating my Twitch!

So I have been streaming for a while now you guys!!! And I am extremely happy that I have the artist PixelTeriyaki helping me with the artwork! This year for 2021 we have decided to update our twitch emotes and our sub badges. The reason being they both seemed to be a little bit over the top on twitch and when shrunken down to size they didn’t come out as clear.

So I would like to share with you the changes so you can see them visually for yourself. And also to document this change as well. (Gary V style ofcourse!) Even if nobody reads this I will have it logged for me to go back and reflect on.

So here is a current picture of what my twitch profile looks like, since I have updated my emotes and badges! (The topics reorder when you make the page smaller and larger on the actual twitch page.)

Image may contain: 3 people, text

Next I am going to show you my new emotes and sub badges versus what my old ones look like. So you can see what the progress is. We decided to keep a couple ones like the GG and the YAK’D! (When I kill somoene, I say Get YAK’D on!)

Image may contain: text that says 'New Sub Badges! SUB BADGES! 1 2 3 MONTH MONTHS MONTHS MONTHS MONTHS 1 YEAR New Sub Emotes! SUB EMOTES! BOBA FLIRTY LOVE PRIDE YAKD GG YAK'D GGs'

Now I am going to show you what the older ones looked like so you can see for yourself the changes in them and why decided to make the change!

Image may contain: text that says 'SUB BADGES! 1 MONTH 2 3 6 MONTHS MONTHS MONTHS 9 MONTHS 1 YEAR'
Image may contain: text that says 'SUB EMOTES! GG HYPE YAKD BOBA BIG SWEAT CHILL LOVE MODE HYPE YAK'D GGs'

As you can see from the above, there were a lot of detail in the images so they weren’t always the best when they had to be such tiny pixel sizes to show on twitch. The sub badges had to be 18p x 18p and the sub emotes were 28p x 28p. I still think the sub badges should be the same size as the emotes… Maybe I should take that up with twitch!

Here is what the sub badge looked like.

Image may contain: text that says 'ANY BigFuzzyYak:'

As you can see from the photo above, the detail of the yak face is extremely hard to make out and you can’t even tell it is wearing sunglasses!

Now I am going to show you the new one as it has finally just updated on my twitch page while I was writing this!

Image may contain: text that says '9:00 ANY BigFuzzyYak:'

So that is what the 1 year subscriber badge looks like now on twitch! I think it looks a lot more clean so far. I can’t wait to go live again and see how the new badges look for my current subscribers! And also, to find out their feedback, if they even notice! hahaha

Anyways, if you don’t know about me. I am mostly a Call of Duty: Mobile streamer! I normally would stream at 8pm UK time for about 6-8 hours and then on the weekends for 12 hours. But latley I have been streaming from midnight UK time to 8am on weekdays. And then some weekends.

Here’s the link to my page if you would like to check it out for yourself!

https://www.twitch.tv/bigfuzzyyak

Rebirth – Call of Duty: Modern Warfare!

So today I had like the most fun playing a game with my hubby and on stream! It was the Rebirth mode of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare! Yes, I am a small twitch streamer! I like to have fun with my viewers and play a variety of games!

The rebirth map is the Alcatraz map but with the BR storm and loadout drops! Last team alive is the winner!

Enjoy this funny clip!

https://clips.twitch.tv/BrainyBashfulSpiderPJSalt

Call Of Duty: Mobile

The last few months I have really enjoyed playing Call of Duty: Mobile! The game is updated on a regular basis keeping it fresh. It feels so nostalgic playing maps from the game like 15 years ago. And for a phone game it plays pretty smoothly! Sometimes it’s hard to believe I am playing this on my phone and not my console!

The Graphics looks clean. Nothing is blurred out.

Disappointments would be the amount of ads the game has and trying to roll the crates. Everytime you log into the game you are forced to click out of about 3 ads. Then there is ankther section where you can watch ads for items. But you usually don’t get the actual items because of the odds. So this kind of forces you to watch them everyday to tey to actually beat the odds and roll a good gun or the skin. People will spend around $100 trying to win a skin they want. It’s definitely a bit of a gamble as each time you roll the price goes up.

The community for Call of Duty Mobile is pretty amazing! You will get people that like to play for fun and competitively. Also, fellow gamers love helping others grind to reach their goals like becoming legendary, or helping them survive long enough in BR1 to get a tank.

If you would like to follow me on twitch then I will drop my link below. I usually stream at 8pm UK time! https://m.twitch.tv/bigfuzzyyak

My Covid Quarantine UK Diary

March 24, 2020

I am an American living in London, UK during the Coronavirus / Covid 19 Quarantine. Yesterday was the first day that everyone who is not a key worker was told to officially stay home by the government. I am currently working in healthcare. Not all staff members are wearing masks and gloves etc.

Things to do at home during quarantine: Read books, knitting, sewing, play games (video games or board games), Skype with family and friends, teach your pets some new tricks, take naps, home workouts, stretches, good hygiene as in stay clean and moisturize, write out to do lists, learn new skills like drawing or photoshop, etc.

(I have been playing the new Call of Duty: Warzone – Plunder and teaching people to play Fortnite on the Nuketown map! This has been loads of fun to get our minds off of what is going on.)

List to be continued at later time or by others adding to it.

I will try to update my journal about this as often as I can. I think we were told this is for like 1-3 months but vaccines won’t be ready for like 18 months or rather if ever. So we could actually be locked down for 1-2 years. Seems like governments were slow to react all around the world. And also many citizens have not been following precautions. Hopefully the lock-down gets people to take it more seriously.

I am really sad about all the people who have died and all of the people who lost loved ones. I hated when everyone was making jokes about Wuhan, China as I really prayed for these people and wanted them all to get better. And I was scared that the outbreak would spread with the Chinese New Year. It is sad to see it actually has spread out of the country. And people are still not realizing how serious it is. I think we should all be documenting what is going on with it and how we are dealing with it. We are all in this together, the entire human race.

I am also very upset about all of the racism towards Asian people. I think blame is an easy answer for uneducated people. People who are sick don’t know they have it and by the time they have it, it is too late and they have already passed it on to others. This is what makes it extremely scary. If the virus started somewhere else I doubt there would be this much racism depending on the race. So I stand with the Asian people as an ally in this.

I have so many thoughts about everything going on but haven’t been able to collect them all. So this will be an open space for me to write about my experience. I hope that people will be understanding of it.

I love you all and hope you stay home and stay safe. For everyone who can’t stay home and must work I respect the hell out of you! Please everyone you do matter, you are important and you are loved. Even if nobody told you this today, I am telling you this!


March 3, 2020

Today was a very sunny day in London, UK. Apparently people were trying to sunbathe in the park and the police had to tell them to all go home and explain what a lock-down was as they thought they were on holiday and could do whatever they wanted. They didn’t understand they need to stay home and stay safe just because they felt okay. People can have the virus and not show symptoms and be able to carry it and it seems like many people are still not understanding this.

Also, the news announced that Prince Charles has Covid 19 at his age of 71. People wondered how he got it as we all thought the Royal Family would have been locked down in their nice mansions and castles away from us common folks. Praying for him and his family as his age doesn’t seem to be a good number.

The news also announced the youngest person to die in UK is only 21 years old. This makes me even more fearful for being 32. It seems people around me in the office have gotten sick and I am praying for it to be something other than Covid 19 as I have taken so many precautions while I have been at work. So I hope they don’t have it for their own family health and safety and for my own.

There were a lot less traffic this week in general in our city. Going to and work I noticed the buses are empty, less cars, and less people outside. I saw people waiting outside a local chemist but they were keeping their distance from each-other and I believe only a few of them are allowed inside at a time.

There have been a lot of people who have already lost their jobs. I hope the government is able to help the people.

It was also announced that they are going to try to get NHS staff tested for the virus. They have not mentioned private healthcare workers. And also that they want to get home test kits for the public.

– – – America has asked South Korea for either test kits or masks but I believe America is a large enough country with factories that they really should start making their own for their population which is the 3rd most popular country in the world. President Trump seems to not be accepting any responsibility, is playing the blame game, making himself and his friends rich, and not doing much to help the American people, as usual. Also, he is hoping everyone can go out for Easter, which is stupid to even say at this point.

Bill Gates recently has stepped down from Microsoft and got himself a new yacht.

Elon Musk is helping to make ventilators hopefully for hospitals. He already has top end ones in his Tesla cars which years before said if there was some kind of outbreak of some sort his cars could clean that air. Hopefully he can get factories working on that and maybe even some masks. We are all waiting for Elon to save us as we feel are leaders are failing us and acting too slow. Elon it might be a great time to push the Mars agenda!

— Today I had work, less people seemed to understand that I am new and doing above and beyond what my training has called for at this point. I had a nap after work to relax. And I need to go in earlier as my coworkers are out sick. I got to play some Fortnite with my hubby, brother and nephew. We had some fun for a bit playing the game and having time to relax and make some memories together.

My neighbors cat tried to kill a pigeon in our backyard again. My cat was happy to see my neighbors cat as we haven’t seen it much for the last few months, maybe it was indoors during the colder weather. Also, my neighbor has recently been making a bit less noise with producing his music. At Christmas time he must of got some speakers as since each day he has been blasting the same song he has been working on with adding bits to it as it goes. I just thought being in the music industry he would have used headphones and not speakers to blast it to his neighbors.


March 25th, 2020

I am new at my job, and was left to training by a temp who has been there for 1 month as everyone is at home sick. So I hope they don’t have corona and I hope I don’t get it being the only full time member of staff at my position.

Today I talked to my friend who now lives in Texas. He had an Amber alert sent out to him about Covid 19 and staying in while we were chatting. He sent me videos of how people in India are being beaten by sticks by police who go out and do not stay in. Maybe the UK should do this too as people think it is a joke and don’t understand how serious it is. Yeah, sure you might feel okay but you might have the virus and not know yet, so please stay away from others just in-case so you don’t spread it. It would suck to know you spread it to someone and they died because you didn’t listen to advice.

Boris said no to ventilators because of Brexit but the NHS is also trying to maybe get ventilators that are recently being invented by a Vacuum company.

Trump is still telling people they should hopefully go out for Easter which this is so not true! It is still going to be around and since nobody seems to be listening and taking it seriously the vicious cycle is continuing to keep going around and spreading to more people and taking more lives that weren’t ready to go.

Bernie is trying to say if he was President everyone would be covered medically for it, which would be true, but he ain’t.

Prince Charles update is that he only had a mild case and has been working at his desk doing whatever it is that he does. Public is outraged that he was tested before members of the public who have already died from the disease and they are trying to say he didn’t skip the queue to be tested. Nobody believe anyone anymore.

There is supposed to be a spike with all the people who got sick last weekend turning up sick who are now going to be showing the symptoms. London is trying to make makeshift hospitals to deal with the rise in patients that they will be seeing. Not sure if this is happening across the country as well, if not it better.

Richard Branson apparently fired a lot of people. Millionaires are firing people and not giving them pay.

Companies like Whetherspoons are refusing to pay suppliers.

It is a messed up time currently. My thoughts are all scattered at the moment.

I haven’t really had much contact from home as well so that makes me worry too.

The best thing to do is just pretend everyone has it so you make yourself take as many precautions as possible.


March 27th, 2020

Today made for an interesting day….

Today I had a pharmacist tell me you can only spread it while you show symptoms. Which the news has been saying this is false. So I am not sure how he got his education then. Also, a woman my age that is healthy has died of the disease. So I am really upset to hear people my age that are health are dieing and have been refused testings and treatment. It makes me feel like this country is going to have me killed as they don’t want to help us and they have no information to give to us.

Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock have both apparently tested positive for Covid 19. They were said to have mild cases of the virus like Prince Charles. The public believes this is a lie that these 3 people in these positions all got mild forms of it. It would seem like at least 1 would have a serious case. So people still have no idea what to think about it.

Bill Gates has basically called Donald Trump an idiot because he should not be getting anyone’s hopes ups about going out for Easter and it all being okay by then.

People in the public and that are key-workers have died of the disease and have been refused testing and treatment while Boris, Matt and Charles all seen to have been able to get tested. So there is a lot of anger towards this currently.

I watched a man from the window of my job go down the street and try to open all of the car doors to rob them. Hopefully CCTV will be operating to fine these individuals who are not staying home and trying to take advantage of the situation.

There are false masks being made and sent out with the same brand names as major branded masks made in the same factories as fake clothes. So this is scary to know that fake masks are being sent out.

America has passed up China in most cases with the disease as of yesterday.

I don’t plan to go out this weekend at all. Plan to stay in. I pray I don’t die from this and catch it from someone being stupid and not taking precautions. I hope scientists around the world work together as China was withholding information to other countries about the disease.

– I will be playing some Fortnite with the family and my bestie tonight. Just so we can all relax, chat, and have some fun.


March 28th & 29th, 2020

Saturday I did an at home workout! Because I still plant to keep doing fitness. Then after I mostly played video games and streamed Warzone. We came pretty close to winning a few times, we would be in first place, reach 1 million then get passed up. This happened again on Sunday too. We didn’t play as well as a team on Sunday as we did Saturday.

I have not been outside all weekend. I do not plan on going outside except from on trips to and from work.

I asked someone who I thought was a friend about Covid 19 training at the hospital she works at. She said keep they basically been told just to keep 2 meters distance, and wash hands. Try to wear a mask when by patients if you can find one.

I tried a new game today. It was Goats of War. It was really funny, you are a goat with a gun attached and you shoot other goats. You can get rocket launchers. I fell off the map a lot accidental.

I also logged on to Fortnite but my ping was like 50 on PC not XBOX so I didn’t even bother with it.

I plan to have an early night today. I already feel tired and stressed about work tomorrow.

My cat was very clingy this weekend, she was a bit distant during the week. She kept trying to lay on my keyboard it was so cute!

Also, did some Skype with my dad!


March 30th and 31st.

Back to work at the moment again. Had a meeting explaining precautions to take within the practice.

On the 30th I did a home workout. Half of the workout instead of using actual weights I lifted a book instead as it was easier to hold from the sides than the adjustable weights.

Felt tired today, the 31st. Had a nap when I came home as felt really drained. My hours changed a lot over the last week. So hopefully now I will be on a consistent schedule with the times for my body to get used to it.

Played some Warzone today.

There have been a lot less people outside. Some people still don’t understand social distancing that well and are standing too close. Because there is less traffic on the road some people aren’t paying attention and being alert as usual. Some cars are speeding faster than usual too. Buses still looked really empty. Heard that the trains are still over packed as there are less trains so people can’t spread out. So Boris called out Sadiq about that last week saying it was an absolute mess. TFL has always had issues with not enough staff and certain lines always being an hour late in rush hour. Really they need to get a better program together to help train people up to be drivers.


April 4th 2020

It has been a week dince I have written.

Prince Charles opened the Nightingale Hospital for Covid patients. Him having it could have been a publicity stunt and for good marketing purposed to open the hospital.

Boris Johnson admitted to the hospital for precautions as he self isoloated with symptoms…

Kath Kidston has filed for administration. I bet a lot more companies will be added to this list!

Catherine Calderwoodin Scotland has stepped down after galaventing out and about outside and going to her 2nd house.

Work has calmed down a bit. Monday wasn’t as hectic, it still was but as much as previous weeks. Patients are staying ontop of their medication requests better. They are respecting telephone consultations and self isolation as in not coming in to the practice while having symptoms. If this is happening around the country this will be a good thing for us all.

There is a Windows 10 update rolling out that his breaking peoples hard drives for their PCs. Windows 10 is accepting no responsibility for it as well.

My cat has finally got used to the pattern. She is not obsessing with my hubby now that he is home and I am away. And she seems generally happy and alert when I am home. Less stressed so it is nice to know she has settled in her new routine.


3rd of May 2020

Wow, it has almsot been a month since I have updated this.

So now the buses are free in London for key workers to get to and from work. This has made an increase of non keyworkers getting on buses and making it less safe for the key workers. Also, trains are still packed, there are not enough trains going for the people that need to use them.

I think about 8k tickets have been handed out in UK so far for people violating quarantine.

I am struggling to figure out what is so hard for people to stay home for quarantine. I don’t udnerstand why so many people are ignoring it and doing whatever and think it is hard to stay home. We live in one of the greatest times every in human history with quality of life. You have a pc, phone, internet, netflix etc.

People who are in furlough and not fired should actually be happy. You are getting paid to chill at home. I don’t want people to fuck this all up when it is all over. People complaining about not working and staying home and wanting to work so bad might make us lose our holiday/ vacation days at work when we return. Learn how to appreciate your time off. I know a lot of you don’t like your coworkers that much anyways.

Also, a huge shoutout to the chronically ill. To the people used to be having to stay at home because of their illnesses. The rest of the world still doesn’t really understand all of you / us as I am also chronically ill.

A lot of people wanted to get a new job for the new year. They stayed through Christmas and the end of the year to get their bonuses and then they were going to be off to a new job where hopefully their would be less BS than their current job. A lot of people have had to put that on hold, and a lot of recrcuiters who most people think very low of are telling everyone that the jobs are on hold. Nobody really wants to hire right now even if they need to because they won’t be able to have their proper inductions and think it is unfair for those candidates. Hopefully people will find what they are looking for when quarantine ends.

How much longer does everything think being spoon-fed quarantine length is going to last..? The places that have opened up spiked in cases again which is common sense that it would happen. There have been thoughts to just open everything up and let natural selection take place with all the people who don’t want to listen and keep others safe and think they are more important than everyone else. This scares me as these people will infect so many people and not take and ownership of who they might get sick or kill and how it can domino to so many people. Also, I don’t want to die from it either when I try to take the best precautions I can too.

There have been a lot of analagies spreading around about teaching ignorant people about proper health and safety and how it can spread. People have used the urine chart, the sex chart, the STD/HIV chart, immunisation charts, etc.

Boris is out of the hospital, back to work and had the birth of his child. Everyone is wondering how Trump hasn’t caught it yet with all the dumb shit he does.

UK still has not approved any antibody or antigen tests for Covid 19. So I don’t understand if no tests are approved how can they trust the ones out there to confirm that people actually have Covid.

‐———————-

6 of September 2020

It’s been a while since I have last written.. there has been a lot that has happened that I haven’t written about .

What’s next is everyone is interested in what is going on with schools reopening. Cases talk about it spreading in schools in America and some teacher deaths. We will see what England reports this next month.

What I can say is there has been a lot of constructive/ road works going on.

People in England still think Covid is made up and don’t respect social distancing. The amount of people that are selfish that barge through people because they are more important still astonishes me. They could be knocking someone who has covid out of their way or they could be passing it along as they are doing whatever they want and not caring. Like properly getting seriously close to others.

There is expected to be a rise in numbers getting the flu jab this year.

I also believe that Russia started giving out vaccines and that Dubai is trialing vaccines.


8th of January 2021

Sinec my last post I decided to leave the private GP practice I was working at in London. Sadly, I was really embarrassed at many things that happened at the practice during my time there. Up until the time I had left there were still staff memebers who didn’t wash their hands regularly, who didn’t wear a mask around others in close contact, and staff that did not clean their work stations or patient waiting areas.

Patients were coming into the practice months after the outbreak still not wearing masks. Saying that people shouldn’t be wearing them. There were people that had already had covid making jokes about they couldn’t get it again so they didn’t care about wearing a mask.

Everyone basically quit the 1st day of the pandemic at this practice, I was new on my own, just trying to survive. The person with 5 years expeierience who knew the patients was put on furlough which made it very uncomfortable and awkward for new staff. Because patients were always undermining people for working at the practice extrememely understaffed and burned out even though they have plenty of experience working in other practices.

It didn’t matter how nice to tried being to the British people. They would always find something to attack you about and get bitter and escalate it. I had a few patients blame everything on me being American. And then you have the patients that expect you to be their servant when you actually work for the doctors and not them and they want you to do absolutely everything for them. Well then pay us an income to because we can’t even cope with the work that already had on our plates plus all of the extra work we had going on.

We had extremely poor communication from management at our practice. They basically told us a day before that their would be an email going out about anitobody and antigen testings. They didn’t even tell us write before the email went out so we knew to get ready for a wave of phonecalls that never ended where we then had to repeat to every single person the differences between tests and what we test for and pricine. And when patients had the information infront of them they were still unable to grasp the information.

These people were not the general public on the NHS. They are elite patients who own major companies and have celebrity status. The fact that these status people couldn’t comprehend common sense in so many situations just blew my mind at how dumb humans really are. And also at how good they are at scamming people and having criminal families taking everyone’s money.

I had a patient who told me to always just document everything I saw becuase I had a view that the rest of the world didn’t have on the situation. I had the fear of getting covid from a coworker who never took any precautions and would see different family on the weekends. Which means she would be increasing the risk of herself getting it and she said she didn’t care if she were to get it. Which made me feel uneasy because you shouldn’t have someone who doesn’t care about getting it taking no preactutions in a health practice. But because she would lie her way to management she ended up with a raise and a promotion. There were so many corners that she cut and mayeb one day management will actually realise this.

We are now in our 3rd lockdown here in London. But I would really count it as a 4th as a 4th because of the whole tier change around Christmas. But even during this 3rd lockdwon there are plenty of people meeting in groups, not wearing masks, not social distancing and increasing the risk and exposure.

It is sad to say that if this virus is as bad as the media actually says it is with these deaths and if we aren’t being lied to about how serious it is and death numbers then our government in England has done a completely shit job. I hate that England was slow to make decicisions last year when they first found out about the lockdown to take any changes. I think it is bad that they were looking at what American was doing because America makes so much money off of people not being well and dieing. the business of sick and dieing is a huge business in America and where you have a place like England and the NHS you would think the country would do everything in its power to enforce measurements where people won’t go out and get sick to put strain on the healthcare system that is already struggling.

The NHS has been struggling for as long as I have worked in it. The CCG is partly to blame for this. They pay themselves the big bucks and make a lot of poor decisions. And hospitals are always trying to push costs onto the GP practices when they have a lot smaller fuding pool and have to operate as private businesses and pay their own rent and unitility bills, etc. The NHS was already at a breaking point before the pandemic hit. And I am so shocked everyday that if this pandemic is as bad as they say it is that the NHS hasn’t collapsed yet. I believe their should be small fees for going to the GP like maybe 5-10 out of pocket.

And also, people go to the GP for literally the dumbest things. So many things that people go to the GP for in England it would of gone away if they just waited a few days. And all these people wasting appointments and not thinking about others needed care have taken up so many spots that people who are actually sick aren’t able to have. In American people are too afraid to call an ambulance because they can’t afford it. They don’t go to A&E because they can’t afford the bills that are going to come afterwards. People have died from not being able to afford care in America. And then we have the opposite problem in England that people have died because they can’t get care because of people going the doctor for things they don’t need to go for.

So now we are in January of 2021. The virus is all over the world. Places keep locking down while other places are open and they wonder why they can’t control the virus. Whether or not there is going to be a new world order that is planned or not from this pandemic… But countries need to work together a lot better. Mankind is better than this. We have so many intelligent people right now just like how the heck is this all happening… well they know how, but nobody wants to listen and stick together and work together to make a real plan to help it go away.

So now we are in London with it being 1 in 30 that have the virus.

Because I am living in London this is the perspective I have on it. I thought they always say they are so much better than America but a lockdown doesn’t work if people are ignoring it and going out to do fuck all.

From what I can tell from family and friends it doesn’t really look like life has changed over there. Businesses are still open, people go out as they do, have been meeting in large groups. Hell what are the numbers from all of these protests of people getting the virus?

What about all these anti masks protests in London as well? Have these events caused a spark in rises of the virus. Or are these people truely right that the virus is a lie. Because there have been the footage going around of these empty testing centers and empty hospitals and stuff. It makes it hard to know what to beleive in an age where we can not trust our own media and there is so much disinformation. Big Tech needs to do better at protecting people as whole. I am so tired of companies making us give up our data to join but what real benefit does their company actually bring to us. More research in controlling us or more research of how to help the human race. I don’t really want to get into conspirace theory shit right now… but who can we really trust?

Also, today I did go on a run as we are allowed excercise. I always keep my distance from others and cross the road when I can to avoid people. There was a man turning away cards at the hospital telling them to park elsewhere if they were coming for the vaccine.

Which reminds me… I have a friend who worked in the testing center at that very hospital. She said that it was basically a zoo in there. Nobody was social distancing getting the vaccine, people were coming in really early and most patients had 1-2 others with them which the hosptal has poor management and didn’t think this through. She said all staff were tested before but they didn’t feel that they were safe or that the patients were safe in this environments.

Working in healthcare in England is being overworked, understaffed, severely underpaid and when you are at your breaking point then a patient decides that’s the perfect moment for them to lose their shit and basically feel like they are beating yo with a stick until you just decide fuck it, is it even worth being here. People fail to see your side, fail to understand what you as healthcare workers are going through. You are only there to try and help and they have to just use that last  big you are struggling with to make you not want to help humanity at all. I understand everyone is stressed and scared but don’t treat a member of staff like that. This person could have your life in your hands in the future and a few seconds or minutes is the difference in life and death. Also, there are opportunists that exist everywhere. There are a few dodge doctors and nurses out there. And you wouldn’t want to cross one of them so just try to be nice to people.

Playing Super Mario Bros. 3 Blindfolded

I figured.. what the hell!!! Why not!?!?!? So I decided to play Super Mario Bros. 3 Blindfolded because I thought.. Hell! How hard could this be!? I figured I would pass the first few levels and maybe the first world easily! Well it came to no surprise what I was actually in for!!!!

This game was played on a Nintendo Classic Mini: Nintendo Entertainment System which can be purchased at the following link!

https://amzn.to/36Xk5y5

Gymming 2020

Okay! So while everyone else was taking the time off from Christmas to New Years I was in the gym busting my ass! Today was fun to see how many people still returning to the gym have fallen off track!

My gym was closed on the 1st of Jan! HAHA

2nd of Jan and since has been a lot of people on their phones.

Sitting on machines on their phones, sitting on matts on their phones, and my favourite.. there was a even a guy sitting on the bike on his phone… and he wasn’t even pedaling!!! What a waste of a machine for someone to be using

I guess their goals were to go to the gym, not workout at the gym! But.. hey! I ain’t gonna judge these people!

I get in, do my workout and get out!  Not wasting my time on these people anymore. Try to work around them the best I can and get them to move if needed.

Tonight I had my boxing class! My workout partner has improved a lot over the last month or so. So today I finally got to do real punches verses just doing little taps on the pads. Felt really good to punch harder!

Then after boxing was a core class! We call it bleeding abs! Because if your abs aren’t hurting from boxing they are going to be hurting in the class after!

I bloody love going to the gym!!!! People always ask me how I am motivated to go. Truth is am not. I just make sure I get myself there. That is one of the hardest barriers. And I get a routine set up from a personal trainer which really helps. So I can focus on what I want to work on and make sure I have perfect form so I ain’t doing anything bad for my body!

Keep up the hard work everyone! If you are taking your phone to the gym be aware of others that are putting in the hard work while you are taking your break so you can politely get the flying FUCK out of the way! Hahaha