Twitch – Update

Just an update with my twitch. I still get new people to come to my stream but I get a lot less followers now than in the beginning. But that’s okay. I’ve got most things for my profile. I have all of my banners and I have subscriber badges and emojis for the subscribers. The bit that seems to be coming together is the gifs. My designer is really creative when we speak about them. He really understands what I am trying to get across for each one.

I want my twitch page to be fun. I want people to feel like they belong. And I want them to feel safe.

I guess for small streamer they like to see that I am so dedicated to my page to make it look nice and for there to be so much information for everyone.

The only thing that people complain about is that if I play a game with more than one person they can’t hear the other people speaking. I think it has to be some kind of xbox issue. I tried looking into this issue a lot but it seems everyone has the same problem. They don’t like that they only hear 1 out of 4 in the conversation. So it can be frustrating and there is no way to really fix it with the xbox or the capture card.

I still really like streaming. I like connecting with my viewers. I like to learn more about them and what they are going through. Sometimes I get asked for advice. I really like the interaction I have with them.

My viewers always say I am really nice. I’m not too sure what other streamers do for them to tell me that I am nicer than other streamers. Isn’t that the whole point to be nice to each other as everyone is going through something. Which is why we have gaming and it is our community.

I’m trying to be patient with streaming. I did put a lot of work into my stream so I was hoping it would benefit me. I’ve met other streamers who have only streamed for about a year now but they have put a lot less work into their page.

It seems a bit tricky at this point to see what actually works. Some of the good streamers are only really good at the game but not so much involved with their viewers. But then I don’t really see the point of streaming if you aren’t going to be interactive. Like just record it and upload to YouTube then?

I really enjoyed when I did collaborations with other streamers. It was always a lot of fun to do that. So I think this is something I need to look back into.

I also love to play the games with my viewers. I absolutely have a blast no matter what game it is. I think it is so wonderful how supportive they are of my skills. As I only started fortnite end of season 8. And they have seen my improvement! It is fun to work as a team and strategise. It is also nice when my viewers become friends with each other.

Do any of you stream? How do you find it?

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I’m going to be real with you… Asking for help is brave!

I am going to be real with you. My life has never been easy! I was sexually assaulted as a kid by the boys in the neighborhood. I kept it in and didn’t speak about it because I was afraid they would kill me if I even spoke up about it. So I always tried to hold everything in and then people would wonder why I would just burst.

I mean the signs were there. I was questioned at times about what was happening. But I lied because as a kid I feared for my life to come forward. All of the other boys were bigger than me. When I was older I only went to the police about one of them. I never came forward about all of the other boys. But I decided not to press charges as I didn’t want to ruin this persons life like they all did to me. Maybe I should have come forward with all of the names but I didn’t.

And because I came forward about the one person I feel this person has done everything under the sun to make me feel like I am the crazy one. Never accepting what he did was wrong and never apologizing to me and everyone involved. He is just delusional and lies about it saying I made it up for attention and that I am crazy.

Well maybe I am crazy because of what was done to me. And being female I obviously don’t have a voice. I don’t matter in this world. I will never be anything or do anything with my life. I had so much as a spunk as a kid in so many situations. But this situation has always scared the shit out of me and it still does.

I have now been married for 6 years and I am terrified to even be romantic with my partner. I still get flashbacks from my childhood of everything that happens. When people ask me why I don’t have kids yet.. I can’t even explain to them everything I have been through. I just have to try to shrug off the question as I don’t want to have to drag them into my drama about my past.

Most of these people that hurt me have kids themselves. And it kills me to think how they are raising their kids with what they did as kids themselves. Like where did they learn this stuff from. Did something happen to them as well so then they did it to me? I just don’t understand where other kids learned sexual things from to try it out and force it on me. It is disgusting. And I thought I could brush it off for so long.

But then when I finally came out about it I did feel supported about it. Other women told me it happened to them too. But as I look back there were times I spoke up about it. But the thing is when I did it continued to happen and I think that is why I stopped talking about it. As I spoke up, it still happened so I felt like there was nothing I could do to make it stop. So much pain it caused me.

If I wasn’t sexually assaulted as a small kid I am sure I would have done better in school. I would have so many flashbacks in school and I couldn’t concentrate to learn. There were police officers that would come to our school and talk to the class but I never had the guts to speak to them. I had a friend come forward when I was in 6th grade about something that happened to her. But after seeing how it was dealt with I felt like I could never come forward as it felt like she was the one that was punished and not the person that hurt her.

I was proud of her for coming forward and getting help. But I realized it happened to a lot of girls in our school district. And everyone that came forward it was always her that everyone talked about. Made to feel like such an outsider nobody ever mentioned the guys.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and live my life over. But, this is something we can’t do. We can only continue on with our lives. So if someone wants to tell me that I am crazy than go for it. But please understand why people are trying to put these labels on me. Why are they doing everything in their power to make me seem like I am the bad one when I was the one that was the victim. Because speaking up means you have power and you have a voice. And they are scared for their own reputation.

There was one time my neighbors pulled my pants down in the woods. I ran back to my house screaming and crying. And that time my dad took me to the neighbors to explain what happened. The parents made their kid apologize but they beat that kid so hard. I could hear him cry and being hit from my house. I felt glad he got punished but I felt bad that me speaking up caused him pain.

But the one that seems to get away with calling me names is the one that was never properly punished. He’s been able to get away with accepting what he did. He was never punished by his parents.

Since leaving America I can say I haven’t been sexually assaulted. I feel more empowered being away from an environment where that was happening to so many young girls. Those kids from my childhood weren’t the only ones that sexually assaulted me. I was also assaulted in university. But this was because after my mom died I started drinking to cope with all of the pain. I would drink my life away because I was sexually assaulted as a kid, bullied a lot and went through losing a parent at a young age.

To the young girls and women out there. Please stand up for yourselves. If it gets ignored keep fighting for yourself and don’t give up. You are important and you are valued. You can change it. You can try to go on like it didn’t happen but eventually it will catch up with you and it will break you. Stand up for yourself and speak up. Get out of the situation. You deserve a safe upbringing where you aren’t harmed and you are loved and valued. Don’t ever think you don’t matter because you do. You are everything.

You need to empower yourself so you can inspire others around you. You never know who is going through sexual assault or went through it. Speak up and stand together. Be there for each-other and help each-other through it. Life can get better and you can change the situation around. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, if they don’t listen ask again. And don’t just ask one person. If your parents don’t listen ask a teacher or a doctor. Just keep asking for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help during these situations is not cowardly it is bravery! Never be afraid to be brave.

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My freshman year of high school my English teacher had us read the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. I really connected with this book and this teacher became my hero just having us read it. I was glad she wasn’t afraid to overlook what we could be going through and had us read it. I will never forget reading this book and watching the movie in her class. It was nice to feel like I wasn’t alone and that I could get help if I would only just to Speak up.
Click to buy. ~~> Speak

 

Ships Ahoy! | Switch | Super Mario Maker 2 | Code:L0H-0V0-BCG

I am not going to lie! After making my first level my husband and I decided to create this level together! We were both using ideas to make it more fun and challenging! I think this is a real test for a level for a person who plays the game regularly!

You have to collect all of the coins!

You  need to remember to slow down at bits. But, also to go fast at other bits. The video speed in 1.8x as it was the only way I could cut it down my Instagram account which is bigfuzzyyak.

Please give the level a try and leave some feedback! Don’t plan to pass it on your first time as well. I can’t pass it every time either. But just remember to have fun and have a good laugh.

Here is a link to buy a Nintendo Switch!

Nintendo Switch

Here is a link to buy this game!

Super Mario Maker 2 – Nintendo Switch

2 Nights in Toronto

Hey Good People,

I do apologize. It’s been a while since my last post. Sarah had to get on my tail. And hey, to be honest, sometimes we need a little push from our friends. Sometimes we need to hear from our closest friends “you should do that” or “you deserve this” because let’s face it, sometimes we don’t know what we need.

This past July 4th holiday, I had another friend of mines encourage me do something for myself.  I had just gotten back literally the day before in the wee hours of the morning (I think around 1 AM).  I traveled with my dad and his wife to my cousin’s wedding in the Dominican Republic. I’d had no cell service (only wifi) but I wasn’t complaining. The wedding was beautiful. The weather was amazing, and after getting over my initial jitters, everything turned out excellent.

Well, the day before we were to return home, I get a wifi call from a relative crying that she’d gotten my car towed. Not only that,  she was afraid that I wouldn’t trust her again because of it. Of course I was upset but, me being me, I didn’t get too upset because I let her use it and well, what kind of person would I be to just blow up on someone who’s crying? I’ve been manipulated for so long I automatically take fault and feel guilty for something I didn’t even do. But I digress.

Upon returning home, I stayed over my dad’s house for the night, my house keys being with my car keys with the relative who has fallen asleep by the time we land. Rightfully so, it is 1 AM. So, come the next morning, my dad and I, take this family member to work and also have to babysit because they waited to late to get their child to day care. I get a ride to the impound and not only do I have to pay for the tow, I have to also pay for the other tickets that this same family member got on another car that they never paid for. Over $400 dollars later, I ride off the lot and thank God, my dad treats me and the little one to breakfast, because who knows when I last ate.

Later that day I pick up the relative from work, she pays me half for the tow, and drop her and the little one off. (He’s really no trouble. He’s amazing might I add). I go straight home and pass out. The next morning I sit in bed, exhausted, depleted and feeling not like myself. I won’t say depression exactly, because I do deal with that a lot, but it was something else. I felt like I didn’t have control over my life anymore. With a birthday right around the corner, it seemed as though I hadn’t done anything to celebrate how far I’d come since a year ago.

Talking to a friend of my on the phone explaining these feelings, he finally asked me: “Where do you want to go?” “Canada, Toronto” I say. “Well, go to Canada!” He says, all matter of fact-like. “Yeah, OK.” I’m thinking. I’d just came from an out of country trip and I just came off $400, and here I am about to go on another trip?

He looked up some hotels and found one, right in the heart of Toronto. I checked it out. It looked nice, but really? Go to Canada? Solo? Hmmm. The more and more I thought about it, the more and more I could see it. I could feel it. The exhilaration, the feelings of freedom. I had no responsibilities. No engagements, no one to answer to. I first thought about who I could ask to go with me, but honestly, I knew I was meant to do this alone.

I went on a walk up my street, trying to clear my mind. Was I really going to do this? Upon returning home, after looking at the hotel listings and the area surrounding it, I’d say probably close to 100 times, I booked it. Sure did. Pulled out my sad little credit card and booked it. I. Booked. It. This is a huge deal for me. I’m making the moves, I’m calling the shots. I’m doing what I want to do. No one else’s trip. No one I have to answer to. Just me. For so long I’ve heard people say “oh, you don’t need all that, it’s just you,” or “girl, what you complaining for, it’s just you” so damn it, that’s right: It’s just Me.

I’ve never unpacked and packed so fast in my life. I sent out a quick text to a couple family members on how long I’d be gone and the address of the hotel. I was on the road and down 90 east highway within 2 hours. The sun on my back as I rode and jammed out to some of the most inspirational tunes. Lizzo, Eve, Jessie J, just to name a few.

And I did it! Passed through the border, and hit Toronto running. I checked out the art museum of Ontario, Queen’s Quay, an amazing vegan spot Planta, and a chill-ass jazz club, The Reservoir Lounge. I did what I wanted, didn’t have to ask anyone if they wanted to do something or how long they wanted to stay, and I even talked to some local people who gave me ideas of where to go. I was in control. Those two nights in Toronto were the most time I’d spent alone in a long time. I actually asked myself what I wanted, and I did it without regret.

So I encourage you, whatever it is that you’ve been wanting to do for yourself, do it. Be it a trip, a spa day, or even reading a book that’s been on your list for a while; do it. You deserve to do something you want to do and not feel guilty for it. Other people do what they want to make them feel better. And you, like me, may be one of those people that are always doing for said people. I’m not saying you should never do for others, but sometimes, and a lot more than that, you have to do for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Fill yours to the brim, and let it overflow. That way, you’ll have more than enough for yourself and for others.

Peace,

Ari

CRUSHING IT by GARY VAYNERCHUK

So it’s 4:30am and I have just read the first 62 pages of his book. And I am loving it! I usually need a break from reading at 20 pages. But it has been really easy to read and interesting.

I have to say I always felt I lived my life differently than others. As I feel I voice my true opinion more. This book is just encouraging me to be even more of myself.

I have 1 complication in my life right now. But because of this book I am going to work around it. This book is telling me to be me so I’m not going to be held back anymore. Maybe this complication is someone else’s complication after all being projected onto me

So from here on out. I am going to give myself goals to take back my life and continue on my journey to follow my passions!

I know what needs to be done but I can’t let other people’s fears hold me back. That is their fear and their problem. Life is literally ticking away at this very moment. I don’t want the regrets of not going for it and not trying.

I know I am a hard worker. I’ve outlasted and outworked everyone I’ve ever worked with in the conditions we were put through. And I have been efficient with a great attitude! So if I can slave away for others then I need to slave away for myself!

I have so much I want to share with the world! I’ve always been creative but my problem was having a voice that is listened to seriously. So I am going to make some waves with this!

Earlier this year I started steaming on twitch! And I didn’t realise how much goes into it other than gaming and connecting with my audience. I absolutely love my followers and glad I can be personal with them. I love that we trust each other and have an open and genuine relationship. It’s a wonderful feeling.

The side of streaming I didn’t know was the branding. I enjoyed learning to use streamlabs with a capture card and green screen. And I love working with a designer to bring my vision to life with my logo, badges and emoticons. Next is my GIFS! I am also in talks with a musician for some bits as well!

Doing this has made me feel so empowered! I’ve been teaching myself or I’ve been learning from other streamers.

I really want to have a shirt made for me for my stream. So this will be a new goal for me to find a company that can make my image on a nice quality shirt!

Before I moved to England I used to network a lot. I knew people that did everything. But now since I moved I know nobody. It seem that once again I will be going to get myself out meeting people and networking again.

Find people that have passions that set their souls on fire! That have similar interests and we can help each other work together!

I will probably add more to this once I read more if his book. But just had to get this written down!

The link is posted below if you would also like to buy this great book!

Crushing It!: How Great Entrepreneurs Build Their Business and Influence-and How You Can, Too

Positivity Vlog!

Attempted doing a little positivity vlog for my twitch! Please let me know your feedback! I’ve been trying to find software that lets me do everything I need to but having to switch between a few for different things!