My Covid Quarantine UK Diary

March 24, 2020

I am an American living in London, UK during the Coronavirus / Covid 19 Quarantine. Yesterday was the first day that everyone who is not a key worker was told to officially stay home by the government. I am currently working in healthcare. Not all staff members are wearing masks and gloves etc.

Things to do at home during quarantine: Read books, knitting, sewing, play games (video games or board games), Skype with family and friends, teach your pets some new tricks, take naps, home workouts, stretches, good hygiene as in stay clean and moisturize, write out to do lists, learn new skills like drawing or photoshop, etc.

(I have been playing the new Call of Duty: Warzone – Plunder and teaching people to play Fortnite on the Nuketown map! This has been loads of fun to get our minds off of what is going on.)

List to be continued at later time or by others adding to it.

I will try to update my journal about this as often as I can. I think we were told this is for like 1-3 months but vaccines won’t be ready for like 18 months or rather if ever. So we could actually be locked down for 1-2 years. Seems like governments were slow to react all around the world. And also many citizens have not been following precautions. Hopefully the lock-down gets people to take it more seriously.

I am really sad about all the people who have died and all of the people who lost loved ones. I hated when everyone was making jokes about Wuhan, China as I really prayed for these people and wanted them all to get better. And I was scared that the outbreak would spread with the Chinese New Year. It is sad to see it actually has spread out of the country. And people are still not realizing how serious it is. I think we should all be documenting what is going on with it and how we are dealing with it. We are all in this together, the entire human race.

I am also very upset about all of the racism towards Asian people. I think blame is an easy answer for uneducated people. People who are sick don’t know they have it and by the time they have it, it is too late and they have already passed it on to others. This is what makes it extremely scary. If the virus started somewhere else I doubt there would be this much racism depending on the race. So I stand with the Asian people as an ally in this.

I have so many thoughts about everything going on but haven’t been able to collect them all. So this will be an open space for me to write about my experience. I hope that people will be understanding of it.

I love you all and hope you stay home and stay safe. For everyone who can’t stay home and must work I respect the hell out of you! Please everyone you do matter, you are important and you are loved. Even if nobody told you this today, I am telling you this!

March 3, 2020

Today was a very sunny day in London, UK. Apparently people were trying to sunbathe in the park and the police had to tell them to all go home and explain what a lock-down was as they thought they were on holiday and could do whatever they wanted. They didn’t understand they need to stay home and stay safe just because they felt okay. People can have the virus and not show symptoms and be able to carry it and it seems like many people are still not understanding this.

Also, the news announced that Prince Charles has Covid 19 at his age of 71. People wondered how he got it as we all thought the Royal Family would have been locked down in their nice mansions and castles away from us common folks. Praying for him and his family as his age doesn’t seem to be a good number.

The news also announced the youngest person to die in UK is only 21 years old. This makes me even more fearful for being 32. It seems people around me in the office have gotten sick and I am praying for it to be something other than Covid 19 as I have taken so many precautions while I have been at work. So I hope they don’t have it for their own family health and safety and for my own.

There were a lot less traffic this week in general in our city. Going to and work I noticed the buses are empty, less cars, and less people outside. I saw people waiting outside a local chemist but they were keeping their distance from each-other and I believe only a few of them are allowed inside at a time.

There have been a lot of people who have already lost their jobs. I hope the government is able to help the people.

It was also announced that they are going to try to get NHS staff tested for the virus. They have not mentioned private healthcare workers. And also that they want to get home test kits for the public.

– – – America has asked South Korea for either test kits or masks but I believe America is a large enough country with factories that they really should start making their own for their population which is the 3rd most popular country in the world. President Trump seems to not be accepting any responsibility, is playing the blame game, making himself and his friends rich, and not doing much to help the American people, as usual. Also, he is hoping everyone can go out for Easter, which is stupid to even say at this point.

Bill Gates recently has stepped down from Microsoft and got himself a new yacht.

Elon Musk is helping to make ventilators hopefully for hospitals. He already has top end ones in his Tesla cars which years before said if there was some kind of outbreak of some sort his cars could clean that air. Hopefully he can get factories working on that and maybe even some masks. We are all waiting for Elon to save us as we feel are leaders are failing us and acting too slow. Elon it might be a great time to push the Mars agenda!

— Today I had work, less people seemed to understand that I am new and doing above and beyond what my training has called for at this point. I had a nap after work to relax. And I need to go in earlier as my coworkers are out sick. I got to play some Fortnite with my hubby, brother and nephew. We had some fun for a bit playing the game and having time to relax and make some memories together.

My neighbors cat tried to kill a pigeon in our backyard again. My cat was happy to see my neighbors cat as we haven’t seen it much for the last few months, maybe it was indoors during the colder weather. Also, my neighbor has recently been making a bit less noise with producing his music. At Christmas time he must of got some speakers as since each day he has been blasting the same song he has been working on with adding bits to it as it goes. I just thought being in the music industry he would have used headphones and not speakers to blast it to his neighbors.

March 25th, 2020

I am new at my job, and was left to training by a temp who has been there for 1 month as everyone is at home sick. So I hope they don’t have corona and I hope I don’t get it being the only full time member of staff at my position.

Today I talked to my friend who now lives in Texas. He had an Amber alert sent out to him about Covid 19 and staying in while we were chatting. He sent me videos of how people in India are being beaten by sticks by police who go out and do not stay in. Maybe the UK should do this too as people think it is a joke and don’t understand how serious it is. Yeah, sure you might feel okay but you might have the virus and not know yet, so please stay away from others just in-case so you don’t spread it. It would suck to know you spread it to someone and they died because you didn’t listen to advice.

Boris said no to ventilators because of Brexit but the NHS is also trying to maybe get ventilators that are recently being invented by a Vacuum company.

Trump is still telling people they should hopefully go out for Easter which this is so not true! It is still going to be around and since nobody seems to be listening and taking it seriously the vicious cycle is continuing to keep going around and spreading to more people and taking more lives that weren’t ready to go.

Bernie is trying to say if he was President everyone would be covered medically for it, which would be true, but he ain’t.

Prince Charles update is that he only had a mild case and has been working at his desk doing whatever it is that he does. Public is outraged that he was tested before members of the public who have already died from the disease and they are trying to say he didn’t skip the queue to be tested. Nobody believe anyone anymore.

There is supposed to be a spike with all the people who got sick last weekend turning up sick who are now going to be showing the symptoms. London is trying to make makeshift hospitals to deal with the rise in patients that they will be seeing. Not sure if this is happening across the country as well, if not it better.

Richard Branson apparently fired a lot of people. Millionaires are firing people and not giving them pay.

Companies like Whetherspoons are refusing to pay suppliers.

It is a messed up time currently. My thoughts are all scattered at the moment.

I haven’t really had much contact from home as well so that makes me worry too.

The best thing to do is just pretend everyone has it so you make yourself take as many precautions as possible.

March 27th, 2020

Today made for an interesting day….

Today I had a pharmacist tell me you can only spread it while you show symptoms. Which the news has been saying this is false. So I am not sure how he got his education then. Also, a woman my age that is healthy has died of the disease. So I am really upset to hear people my age that are health are dieing and have been refused testings and treatment. It makes me feel like this country is going to have me killed as they don’t want to help us and they have no information to give to us.

Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock have both apparently tested positive for Covid 19. They were said to have mild cases of the virus like Prince Charles. The public believes this is a lie that these 3 people in these positions all got mild forms of it. It would seem like at least 1 would have a serious case. So people still have no idea what to think about it.

Bill Gates has basically called Donald Trump an idiot because he should not be getting anyone’s hopes ups about going out for Easter and it all being okay by then.

People in the public and that are key-workers have died of the disease and have been refused testing and treatment while Boris, Matt and Charles all seen to have been able to get tested. So there is a lot of anger towards this currently.

I watched a man from the window of my job go down the street and try to open all of the car doors to rob them. Hopefully CCTV will be operating to fine these individuals who are not staying home and trying to take advantage of the situation.

There are false masks being made and sent out with the same brand names as major branded masks made in the same factories as fake clothes. So this is scary to know that fake masks are being sent out.

America has passed up China in most cases with the disease as of yesterday.

I don’t plan to go out this weekend at all. Plan to stay in. I pray I don’t die from this and catch it from someone being stupid and not taking precautions. I hope scientists around the world work together as China was withholding information to other countries about the disease.

– I will be playing some Fortnite with the family and my bestie tonight. Just so we can all relax, chat, and have some fun.

March 28th & 29th, 2020

Saturday I did an at home workout! Because I still plant to keep doing fitness. Then after I mostly played video games and streamed Warzone. We came pretty close to winning a few times, we would be in first place, reach 1 million then get passed up. This happened again on Sunday too. We didn’t play as well as a team on Sunday as we did Saturday.

I have not been outside all weekend. I do not plan on going outside except from on trips to and from work.

I asked someone who I thought was a friend about Covid 19 training at the hospital she works at. She said keep they basically been told just to keep 2 meters distance, and wash hands. Try to wear a mask when by patients if you can find one.

I tried a new game today. It was Goats of War. It was really funny, you are a goat with a gun attached and you shoot other goats. You can get rocket launchers. I fell off the map a lot accidental.

I also logged on to Fortnite but my ping was like 50 on PC not XBOX so I didn’t even bother with it.

I plan to have an early night today. I already feel tired and stressed about work tomorrow.

My cat was very clingy this weekend, she was a bit distant during the week. She kept trying to lay on my keyboard it was so cute!

Also, did some Skype with my dad!

March 30th and 31st.

Back to work at the moment again. Had a meeting explaining precautions to take within the practice.

On the 30th I did a home workout. Half of the workout instead of using actual weights I lifted a book instead as it was easier to hold from the sides than the adjustable weights.

Felt tired today, the 31st. Had a nap when I came home as felt really drained. My hours changed a lot over the last week. So hopefully now I will be on a consistent schedule with the times for my body to get used to it.

Played some Warzone today.

There have been a lot less people outside. Some people still don’t understand social distancing that well and are standing too close. Because there is less traffic on the road some people aren’t paying attention and being alert as usual. Some cars are speeding faster than usual too. Buses still looked really empty. Heard that the trains are still over packed as there are less trains so people can’t spread out. So Boris called out Sadiq about that last week saying it was an absolute mess. TFL has always had issues with not enough staff and certain lines always being an hour late in rush hour. Really they need to get a better program together to help train people up to be drivers.

April 4th 2020

It has been a week dince I have written.

Prince Charles opened the Nightingale Hospital for Covid patients. Him having it could have been a publicity stunt and for good marketing purposed to open the hospital.

Boris Johnson admitted to the hospital for precautions as he self isoloated with symptoms…

Kath Kidston has filed for administration. I bet a lot more companies will be added to this list!

Catherine Calderwoodin Scotland has stepped down after galaventing out and about outside and going to her 2nd house.

Work has calmed down a bit. Monday wasn’t as hectic, it still was but as much as previous weeks. Patients are staying ontop of their medication requests better. They are respecting telephone consultations and self isolation as in not coming in to the practice while having symptoms. If this is happening around the country this will be a good thing for us all.

There is a Windows 10 update rolling out that his breaking peoples hard drives for their PCs. Windows 10 is accepting no responsibility for it as well.

My cat has finally got used to the pattern. She is not obsessing with my hubby now that he is home and I am away. And she seems generally happy and alert when I am home. Less stressed so it is nice to know she has settled in her new routine.

3rd of May 2020

Wow, it has almsot been a month since I have updated this.

So now the buses are free in London for key workers to get to and from work. This has made an increase of non keyworkers getting on buses and making it less safe for the key workers. Also, trains are still packed, there are not enough trains going for the people that need to use them.

I think about 8k tickets have been handed out in UK so far for people violating quarantine.

I am struggling to figure out what is so hard for people to stay home for quarantine. I don’t udnerstand why so many people are ignoring it and doing whatever and think it is hard to stay home. We live in one of the greatest times every in human history with quality of life. You have a pc, phone, internet, netflix etc.

People who are in furlough and not fired should actually be happy. You are getting paid to chill at home. I don’t want people to fuck this all up when it is all over. People complaining about not working and staying home and wanting to work so bad might make us lose our holiday/ vacation days at work when we return. Learn how to appreciate your time off. I know a lot of you don’t like your coworkers that much anyways.

Also, a huge shoutout to the chronically ill. To the people used to be having to stay at home because of their illnesses. The rest of the world still doesn’t really understand all of you / us as I am also chronically ill.

A lot of people wanted to get a new job for the new year. They stayed through Christmas and the end of the year to get their bonuses and then they were going to be off to a new job where hopefully their would be less BS than their current job. A lot of people have had to put that on hold, and a lot of recrcuiters who most people think very low of are telling everyone that the jobs are on hold. Nobody really wants to hire right now even if they need to because they won’t be able to have their proper inductions and think it is unfair for those candidates. Hopefully people will find what they are looking for when quarantine ends.

How much longer does everything think being spoon-fed quarantine length is going to last..? The places that have opened up spiked in cases again which is common sense that it would happen. There have been thoughts to just open everything up and let natural selection take place with all the people who don’t want to listen and keep others safe and think they are more important than everyone else. This scares me as these people will infect so many people and not take and ownership of who they might get sick or kill and how it can domino to so many people. Also, I don’t want to die from it either when I try to take the best precautions I can too.

There have been a lot of analagies spreading around about teaching ignorant people about proper health and safety and how it can spread. People have used the urine chart, the sex chart, the STD/HIV chart, immunisation charts, etc.

Boris is out of the hospital, back to work and had the birth of his child. Everyone is wondering how Trump hasn’t caught it yet with all the dumb shit he does.

UK still has not approved any antibody or antigen tests for Covid 19. So I don’t understand if no tests are approved how can they trust the ones out there to confirm that people actually have Covid.

Cyrano de Bergerac – James McAvoy

Last week the hubby and I went to see Cyrano de Bergerac starring James McAvoy. The show brought us a lot of enjoyment! The first half of the play had so much energy and London slang kept me off the tip of my chair! I swear if I didn’t move here I wouldn’t known what half of it had even meant!

I have always thought highly of James McAvoy especially because he is in a few of my favourite movies. So seeing him live on stage was fricking amazing!!! He is so talented at what he does! I love seeing an actor that can actually act instead of just getting type casted into the same exact roles. So thank you so much for being one of these actors!

If you get to see the show you are lucky because it is amazing! I think people waited after the show to meet him but couldn’t be bothered. We all just have to get on with our lives! Thanks for your talents and keep it up the great work!


The rest of the cast did a great job too. I loved that there wasn’t much of a set so the actors had to be on point or it would have been complete and utter shhiiiit! hahaha I wish the 2nd half of the play wasn’t so sad and for them to speed up the war bit. But o well! Keep up the great work everyone!

Companies that value great receptionists will succeed!

First of all I want you to know that I have always loved being a receptionist. It is a role that I have so much respect for and I think a lot of companies do not understand the value and importance of the role.

There are plenty of businesses out there that just want to hire someone that is young and pretty. They say the receptionist is the face of the company. But do you want that face to be someone that is just to look at and incompetent? Not saying that all the young pretty faces aren’t hard workers but there seems to be this stereotype that these people are air heads, lazy and have no drive.

I believe that a company should hire someone who is passionate in this role! Someone who will greet your customers with a smile and develop a friendship with them and get to know them. Not someone that will ignore the phone ringing or pick up and act like they don’t want to talk to your customer on the other end and have a bad attitude.

Your receptionist is the eyes and ears of the company. They hear a lot of chatter and see a lot of situations that people elsewhere in the company do not even know happens. They overhear phone calls not that they are purposely listening in. But they hold more information about people that is useful to the company that other employees do not know how useful it can be.

An example would be if you had a client that was really upset and went out of the buildings in tears would you want to know about it? Would you want that client to think your company does not care about their goals and what they are after? This client would probably leave and find another company to do business with.

What I would expect if a situation like this to happen is for the receptionist to inform whoever was dealing with this client. They need to go out and sort this out right away. They need to be understanding and try to be more human instead of just pushing agendas on them. A little personal touch can go a long way. Take this client out for coffee and go over what the problem is so it can be worked on. Listening is huge and sometimes people can forget that their clients come first and need to be showed that care.

There are plenty of people that don’t respect or understand what a receptionist actually does. They forget that this person is the heartbeat of the company. They don’t just sit there and look pretty and say hello to people. They do a lot of tedious paperwork! I order inventory for the office. They make sure you have all of your favourite items in the office to keep everyone happy. Making sure outgoing post is sent out correctly and to the right people. Taking care of expenses. They are most likely doing many things at once and even ask if you need help with anything. How many times have you asked a receptionist if they needed help with anything or wanted to learn a new skill?

My goal of this article is that I want people to show appreciation to their receptionists. It is a role that is often undervalued at companies. Our role isn’t just to sit there and look attractive but to make the lives of everyone at the company better. Always helping and having a positive attitude.

I truly believe if a company lacks with having a receptionist that is respected by the team that the company is lacking in other places too. So if you are unhappy with your job, look to see how the company respects the receptionist and I think that will tell you a lot about who you work with and for.




Stages of a Tattoo

Hi All!

So I did something for my birthday. I got a tattoo! I have never did something more painful on purpose to myself in my life. I’ve dealt with depression my whole life, so my pain, for the most part has been internal, but then the internal pain becomes external and well, you know. But this right here… this tattoo, first one ever, extending from my rib cage to the top of my hip, was THE MOST PAINFUL sensation I’ve ever felt. But wait a minute, I may be exaggerating just a bit. While the needle slid over my right ribs, I slightly remember staring outside, it was a beautiful July day. The day after my birthday (I couldn’t have imagined doing this on a day of celebration), it was a sunny 80 degree Fahrenheit day. Outside were full lush green trees and a baby blue sky, without a cloud in sight. I focused on a light post, the ink gun pierced my skin, my upper lip began to sweat, I was screaming inside, the only evidence of my remorse was a lone tear gliding down my left cheek, the cheek that was pressed against the chair I laid on.  Everything began to fade around me; I was about to pass out.

I had to stick around. I had to see the end product. I had to stay. Just like a lot of other things in my life, I’d give up. I’d start something, get bored or scared and then not finish. Or even deeper, I’d have thoughts of not being around anymore, just giving up life. I was bored, I was scared, I thought I knew what would happen, that I’d never live my dream, or that I’d end up alone, with no one ever really know the pain and the guilt I felt. But this: needle in skin, scraping epidermis.

“I can do this” I thought. I have to stay here. I have to finish. If I can go through this pain, and finish any way, what else would I be able to do? I don’t know. But for once in my life, I wanted to find out what it would be like, if I stayed.

This was the first stage of getting my dream catcher with a semi colon. It means that I will continue to ward off evil spirits and fight this battle of depression. Tattoo

Pay it Forward!

I truly believe everyone should pay it forward when and if they are able to! The act of kindness is what makes the world go round! So keep spreading kindness and helping out your fellow humans.

Life is not easy for the majority of people alive. It is so rare to have money in your bank account yet so many of you reading this do.

Whether you hold the door open for someone, keep a closing door open on the underground for someone running to make the train, buy someone a cup of coffee, or help find someone a new job it is all important. Make sure you keep doing these kind things for other people. And once it goes full circle and comes back to you it is very beautiful!

I used to be a really positive person. And I have had a rough year trying to find my place in this world. But there is one lovely lady that has done a small favor that has meant more to me than anyone would ever know. So for this I am very grateful as I was starting to lose hope in the world.

Pay it forward, you never know who might really be needed that little extra push, or act of kindness. Love you all!

Puyo Puyo Tetris

Puyo Puyo Tetris looks like a really fun game. My Tetris 99 community has been introducing the game to me and it looks like a lot of fun! I shall let you know what I think of the game.

You can buy the game below!:

Puyo Puyo Tetris (Nintendo Switch)

Okay! So the great news is that O absolutely love playing this game. At first I thought it was overpriced! But now seeing how many different game modes it has inside I am really happy I have this game. It has been so much fun playing!

I finally have a game I love to play on Nintendo Switch with my friends! I can’t believe it!

Chelsea FC: Stamford Bridge Guided Tour & Museum‎ Review

I recently went to the Chelsea FC: Stamford Bridge Guided Tour & Museum‎ with a friend. We had the London Pass so we decided to get there before the tours started. When we got there we scanned our card and got tickets for the 2nd tour of the day as the 1st tour was already booked up.

We started off in the museum as we had a little time to kill. The museum was filled with so much history about the team. We very much enjoyed it and we liked the interactive bits as well. A member of staff saw my kick and told me I should still play football in which I explained I was a goalkeeper in America.

After this we went for out tour. We were taken around the grounds by two members of staff. We got to sit in the stands in a few locations, see the press room and the locker rooms. They had an interactive bit where you could scan the player’s jersey and a bio would appear. This was engaging and cool!

After the tour you are spit out into a gift shop. Like any typical London attraction. This I didn’t mind but I was extremely disappointed when I found out they don’t have disabled toilets for their customers. I was told to go to a hotel for a handicap toilet by a rude member of staff. He wanted to have a really long conversation as he had nothing to do instead of understand the urgency of my issue. I had to go outside to a toilet in which I did soil myself a bit with some blood. I just find it unacceptable that a store of that size doesn’t have toilets inside or any signs to explain where the toilets are.

I have tweeted a few times but nobody at the stadium or customer service has even got back to me. They have not apologized for the embarrassment I have gone through. And not offered to buy me a new pair of underwear that can absorb the mess. I felt extremely embarrassed and didn’t return back to the store to purchase anything. I only texted my friend I was outside when he was done.

The tour was really well done. The museum was informative. The only negative was a rude member of staff and no disabled toilet in the store. I think there is no reason why they can’t have toilets on both floors in the store for the customers that really need them. It is a bit of poor management if you ask me.

Taking TFL with Inflammatory Bowel Disease – Red Flag!

Imagine being in so much pain that you feel a chainsaw on fire is going through your body and that your bowels are going to open at any given moment which you have just about absolutely no control over them. Imagine a bunch off strangers rushing by and bumping into you while this is happening. Imagine going up or down an escalator doing everything to keep your bowels in with the person behind you and in front of you figitting and bumping into you. Imagine the people rushing down the side smacking into you with their body, briefcase, purse or backpack. Can you understand how much more stress this adds to the situation than already feeling like your have explosive bloody diarrhea that you are trying to keep inside your colon. TFL makes the experience a lot more anxiety causing than it should be by not having a toilet accessible to the public.

Taking TFL (Transport For London) with Inflammatory Bowel Disease is an absolute nightmare! There aren’t even public toilets at every station! And they used to charge in some stations for people to use their toilets which should be considered a crime! You would think by 2019 that this wouldn’t be an issue. They have more than enough money that they are raking in to solve this problem!

I’ve been on so many trains in Europe that have toilets on them. I think the underground trains should have toilets on board. Should someone with explosive bloody diarrhea really have to shit their own pants because they have no access to a toilet? Let alone get of a train walk ages during a transfer and still never go past a toilet. I really think it is poor management and laziness that this hasn’t been done.

Also it is disgusting that every station isn’t up to standards for dealing with elderly and other disabilities. My best friend still won’t plan a trip to London as it is not wheelchair friendly on the underground for her. The stations we need don’t offer a elevator for. It is unfair she would need a car and would miss out on the ease that the underground is supposed to bring. I just think London needs to look at the systems Asia has in place to learn how to build a proper train station to suit all of its passengers. I’ve never had these problems in Japan or Hong Kong. Staff always has a ramp ready to get their wheelchair passengers on and off the train. It is really organized and the trains actually run on time over there.

#transportforlondon #tfl #londonundergroung #ibd #inflammatoryboweldisease #crohnsdisease #ulcerativecolitis #ccuk #spoonie


Becoming Toxic

This year I decided I would become a toxic person. Last year I dealt with so many toxic people that this year I decided to join the club! I wanted to see how it would make me feel to be a mean snotty person.

At first I would feel guilty about loads of things. Things I would say or how I would ignore certain people and act if I didn’t know they were speaking to me. I mean it is kind of like a human experiment that I was doing.

The positive bit for me for becoming toxic is I didn’t waste my time as much as when I wasn’t toxic. When I was genuine and super caring loads of people would go out of their way to make me feel like crap or just use me. So with not being as nice and easy going I didn’t have any of that to worry about. And that has actually been extremely good for me!

I’ve been able to just say what I want without caring if it would even offend the other person. Because so many people would just treat me like shit and not care how it would make me feel when they did it to me. It got easy to have have any feelings about the words once they left my mouth. I could walk down the street and call people Cunts and not give two fucks about it. I’ve had that happen to me so many times here but it seems to be a common word people in London just go to.

I used to feel really bad for Londoners. They don’t have many friends and the ones they have it is because they usually do drugs together to feel better about their lives that they are so ungrateful for in the fist place. The rest of the people that have friends are from school days. And everyone knows that office friends are fake and you can’t trust them. They will do anything to throw you under a bus to get away with it.

The biggest problem that I had was because I was actually nice to people yes you know even males. Men thought I liked them because I wasn’t a bitch. They would always start falling for me when I would just be normally myself.  But now I understand why because people over here don’t give anyone the time of day and are so rude. So I guess me not being rude and taken the time to get to know someone would flag up as different to someone always getting treated like shit. I try not to even make eye contact with people at the gym anymore. There are some people I say hi to but most of all I just don’t bother.  I go to the gym keep my head down do my routine and get out. Before I would acknowledge people and talk to them because that’s what a good person would do. If you see someone you recognize you aren’t supposed to act like that person doesn’t exist.

But for some people that didn’t know I made this change and they didn’t confront me they did talk behind me back. But if they talked to me I wouldn’t be a bitch to them. But I did stop going out of my way of making the effort. Yes, my time is important and so is your time. But people in the gym do weird shit to waste other peoples time. Like they sit on a station on their phone for over 10 minutes while someone could have did their workout on it. And if you ask them to use it they say no I am using it, yes with your lazy ass texting someone that doesn’t even like you. Stand up and text the person and let people have your station.

I started to just walk up and use people’s stations when they were having breaks from them. Especially when I notice they aren’t even focused and their breaks take longer than what I can do my workout in. Some people get mad but they understand that we can switch in-between goes. It slowly clicks for some of them.

Every time a driver tries to run me over when I am in the middle of a crosswalk I will now flip them the bird and cuss at them.  I would not have done that before. I would have said I was sorry even though they were in the wrong. But these people are too scared to get out of their car and fight. A lot of them almost run me over because they are actually on their phones and not looking at the road. And even in rush hour they try to run you down when there is nowhere for them to go. So you can literally just stand their shouting at them in-front of other drivers and make them feel more embarrassed and like a piece of shit.

What I do believe is whatever energy state you are in either negative or positive you can transfer that to the people around you. Don’t get me wrong I was listening to my music on my way to the gym minding my own business. And then a man grabbed me and I was like WTF but then I noticed it was someone I knew very well from the gym. So I took off my headphones and talked to them and said sorry. Normally I would probably be the first to recognize them and say hello. But because I only try to get to the gym as fast as I can now walking around all the lost tourists stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. If I see an older person looking at me I still smile at them and they always smile back. I never know how much contact they have with people anymore.

But I mean I haven’t become super toxic. Especially not compared to the people I’ve been around that are.  I don’t even compare to their level. Just made a few slight changes to see how it changes my life and the lives of others around me. It has been more about me not wasting my time on people that never even met me half way to begin with. Some people have already had all these walls from earlier years. But me, it took my longer, and that’s okay.

I love the fact that I am not being used anymore. Nobody is asking to hang out with me for me to buy them food or buy them stuff at the mall. I’ve always been a giver because I want people to be happy and I know life is hard. But I had to think what those people have done for me in return. Even my hubby always so I do way too much for people that don’t deserve it. I am finally understanding everything he has meant by that.