I have officially lost it. I am completely broken and feel shattered. My glass has been breaking slowly and where there were seals they are re-broken.
I need to catch a break. I need to take time for myself and re-evaluate my life. I need to figure out what is still important to me and readjust my sails.
I miss home so much. I moved to England for love, not because I wanted to be in this country. I miss my family and my friends. I miss this season(s) (Fall/Autumn and Winter) so much. Halloween isn’t really a big deal in England, Thanksgiving is just me and my hubby and Christmas well, it isn’t with a bunch a family and relatives. It went from being one of the best times of the year to the worst as it is pretty lonely.
Also, over the weekend a friend’s dad has passed away. I hate being in a foreign country when someone back home passes away. I have had 3 uncles pass away since I have been gone and I couldn’t go to the services. It is unfortunate to say but I was lucky enough to be back home when my lovely Grandma passed away. I hate that she is gone but I was there for her during her time of passing and that was so important to me. And right now, I am without a passport so it is even more frustrating. I hate that I can’t be there in person for the ones that are important to me when they are going through hard times. It sucks big time!
I have a hard time with being in England. I feel like some people here are really distant and don’t make effort to try to get to know you. It seems to be such a frustrating thing. I am more likely to get along with foreigners because they understand what it is like to be away from home. And maybe we think some of the norms here are just plain weird. But we are trying our best. Don’t get me wrong I have met some amazing people from here, but my expectations just are not right. Maybe the people will change, or maybe they don’t like that the foreigners are coming here and dominating their jobs..? People are just like, oh, an American, ew, and then make no effort to actually get to know you to see if you fit their stereotype.. I will stop right there on that note, I am not trying to offend anyone, just wondering why they are so different.
I guess I can say I am frustrated in so many parts of my life. I am 31 years old and I do not even have a house yet. The property rates here in London really are a joke. It is like you need to win the lottery to win an actually house that is decent. Or you need to make 100K but what are these jobs that are paying this amount of money? How are people raking it in?
I know I am not the only one that feels like this. A lot of people my age are in the same boat. We thought our parents had it all figured out, but we are learning that they didn’t, but times were a bit easier for them we feel.
Is anyone else at this point in life right now? Did you think you would be a lot further in life? Have a lot more by now as you have been working your ass off but haven’t seen results? What are you trying to do to turn it around for yourself? Sometimes I feel I want to go back to university, but then I think what if I go through it and I am back at this same spot, at least I can stay I tried or will it create a bigger mess for myself?
The Blogging Sarah 